I’m real and I’m not afraid to open my mouth.
Sami Bayly
One day I was browsing the bookshop looking for a sciency book for my 4 year old who always wants to know “WHY”. I knew I had struck gold when I found “The Illustrated Encyclopaedia of Ugly Animals”. These are MY PEOPLE! I thought as I flipped through the pages laughing into my COVID mask, hardly able to believe these animals could be real. And there it was, on page 107, my spirit animal…the Sarcastic Fringehead. This darling fish is “a small but very hardy saltwater fish that has a large mouth and aggressive territorial behavior”.
I’m an adult survivor of child abuse. I have been called many things that are not pleasant or true but I am indeed sarcastic and I do often sport a fringe. I’ve been in therapy with this latest psychologist for over 10 years. I’ve been diagnosed and misdiagnosed, medicated and hospitalised. My current diagnosis is C-PTSD with a dissociative disorder and BPD vulnerabilities. The last 2 years have been the most brutal as I work through the memories of my childhood abuse.
But here I am, alive against better judgement, tumbling into forgotten rooms and hidden dungeons within my head. My psychologist says “you should really write a book”. I say LOL, download the WordPress app and give you this blog instead, a record of my messy unravelling.
And maybe when therapy is all done, if it is ever done…I might eventually, finally, bravely speak the unspeakable to the truly ugliest collection of animals ever created – my family.
References
Sarcastic Fringehead. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcastic_fringehead
Sarcastic Fringehead 
I love this so much. What a wonderful way to capture how you feel and getting it off your chest via blog immediately, rather than the “usual” way of sitting on a therapy couch listening to someone ask you “and how does that make you feel”? It makes me feel like I want to get knife and stab you in the eyes. But this is your story and you control it. I’m sorry you went through child abuse and please know this, if you were near me now, I’d give you a COVID hug. Keep telling your story and sing it to the world sista. I know your words will inspire others to speak out with you.
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Please dont stab me in the eyes. I want Covid hug, yes please. Thank you and yes I think it is a good way to not go crazy and to put my writing skills to good use.
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It’s what I said to a male counsellor at a mental health unit I went to very early on who told me only veterans could have PTSD, not victims of child sexual abuse then went on to ask how the abuse made me feel. I responded by telling him I wanted to stab him in the eyes, left and went and sat outside while I cried, then I called my friend who comforted me.
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OMFG you are too kind to only want to stab him in the eye
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This is an awesome about page. Who knew that Sarcastic Fringehead is an actual animal, with that look and description!
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I know! So crazy. With a name like that it was just screaming (literally) to be used in some humorous way.
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Perfect!
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Okay. Maybe that was too brief. This page speaks to me, loud and clear. It is both vulnerable and brave, sad and hopeful, angry and forgiving. It’s perfect.
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Oh thank you soooooooooo much! What a wonderful collection of adjectives ❤
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I totally agree. I am captivated by the way in which it’s written. Job well done SarcasticFringehead 👌👌
Actually makes me wonder what my spirit animal should be.🤔🤔
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Your writing is riveting. Please keep writing.
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Thank you so much! I love your writing. So clear and relatable
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Aahhh….I thought my comments didn’t get posted due to my poor internet today (embarrassed )…. thank you dear for the kind words. 🤗
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Nice blog
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