This is Where I Started

This is where I started, I can eat a knife.

I know all the things they do with bodies once they grow.

This is where it happened, here is all the ash.

This is not a lullaby hanging overhead.

This is how he made me when he picked me up.

He took a lick; he took it all and left me dead inside.

I can walk on fire, I might kill a friend.

I like how it feels to be inside, inside, inside.

I hang from the cupboards, I steal all the toys,

I won’t break your smile yet but you can’t hold my hand.

Some of me is yesterday, all of me is gone.

When I want the hurt to go, I pull all the strings.

I can cut with words, I can bleed you out.

I have all the blame and shame and throw it like a stone.

I can step on babies now that I am three.

When they kept me starving, they taught me how to be.

They showed me all the rules to break to keep the world away.

I can say a funny thing, I can break a day.

I didn’t want to come today, I never have a name.

I wish I had my body back; I want a different game.

But this is how he made me, when he took my heart,

When he made me sex and sin and everything they hate.

The heat and pressing wet of flesh, I can’t look away.

I hold all the memories a child shouldn’t know.

Welcome to my dark side, I’ll never let you go.

I can eat the rotten meat, I can drink the filth.

I can breathe the flames, I hold all the pain.

This is how I started. This is where I live.

This is how I saved her and this is where I end.